Boundaries

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Brené Brown

I’m still finding a way to be open and honest doing the blogging thing, but there is still some fear around acceptance of myself, loving myself and sharing. I guess this is why I came to this topic around boundaries and self love as it is significant to me too.

Establishing healthy boundaries can be the practise of fostering a relationship with people while at the same time protecting yourself. Boundaries don’t mean walls, they mean doorways to connecting. Sometimes it can be difficult to be open to people, maintain relationships, share yourself wholeheartedly and not get hurt. When we lean in to connect with people, without judgement or fear and acceptance of ourselves and others, it can lead to great relationships. Boundaries can allow people and ourselves to see what is and is not acceptable, which can be challenging. When people around us have different boundaries it can affect our ability to navigate the nuances of historical relationships patterns, childhood expectations and adult differences. Saying “No” or asking for an alternative potentially upsets people which is hard, but how do show people how we prefer to be treated without this. When me and my young family moved to France, I had to adjust expectations of myself as I was no longer physically close to my immediate family. That meant I wasn’t capable to do what was expected of me, such as visiting family. Here comes the disappointment of others. Oh and the guilt! The guilt that ensued was crippling at first, but I realised it did not serve me a purpose and I looked deeper to see where it came from. Carl Rogers conditions of worth suggest that we grow up with ideas about how we “should” behave/think/feel to meet the conditions to achieve the worth or value and love. I sometimes call it a “principle” rule book. It can feel like a heavy list of rules by which you “navigate” your life. What tends to happen is that people don’t always follow the same rules and you can end up feeling disappointed, but more importantly, you don’t place worth upon yourself (coming back to boundaries). It’s about realising the worth of you, everyone around you and protecting your worth. Thats why boundaries are key.